Day 13 Challenge

My Biggest Trial and My Biggest Accomplishment.

I'd have to say that my biggest trial happened last year, in February. It was the month I lost my Papa to cancer. I remember when we all got the call that he was diagnosed with colon cancer at the young age of 77. We were at Lake Mead, on our annual Memorial Weekend trip. It was the worst phone call, but deep inside me, I remained positive because I just knew that my Papa was such a fighter. But, to know that it was already stage 4, was heartbreaking. I'm not one to really show my emotions or talk about them, so I remember remaining pretty "straight faced." I think it's my own way of dealing with things like this. So, that phone call & his diagnosis was in the month of May. He battled it for 5 months before he was given the option of continuing his treatment with chemotherapy and dealing with the weakness and nausea, or to let the cancer run its course. He decided to discontinue the chemotherapy treatment. We went up north to visit him a few times between the months of October and January. It still wasn't enough. Each time we saw him, he looked weaker and weaker, but still cracked all his jokes and made us laugh. He was in such good spirits. Then came February and him and my grandma decided they would take advantage of their Newport Coast Marriott timeshare. They came down during the week of my birthday and we all went down there to visit them for the day. Not only was this day special for that reason, but also because, for the VERY first time in FIFTEEN years, were ALL their kids together, under one roof. It was quite an emotional day. Everyone sat around and enjoyed some Corona Lights (Papa's favorite) and some food. And honestly, I think he was holding out for this day.

My grandma & grandpa ended up going home a few days early because Papa didn't feel good. This was on a Thursday. He passed away on the following Wednesday morning.

I will never forget the look on Jeff's face when he woke me up that morning to tell me. I just knew it had happened because he just stared at me and sat at the foot of the bed. He didn't have to say much more than, "Babe... I'm so sorry..." and I burst into tears. It was the worst feeling in the world. It was as if all those tears I was holding in for those 9 months came flooding out. And so many feelings and thoughts were rushing through my head..... I wish I was there to hold his hand while he went to be with the Lord.... I wish he wouldn't have snuck off to bed that night in Newport without saying good night to all of us... I wish I would have just went in his room to give him a BIG hug before we left Newport that night... I wish I would have talked to him more about death and Heaven... I wish I could have told him one last time just how much I love him... I wish, I wish, I wish. But I CAN say that I am SO glad (and proud of myself since I'm a totally shy person when it comes to public speaking) that I gave a little speech at his funeral. And I was glad that I did get to see him one last time that day, too. And even though I didn't give him a hug, I got to hold his hand one last time.

It's been hard ever since the day he passed away. Not just for me, but for all of us. And it's hard to see my Mema without him. And there are so many things I wish he was still here to see AND to meet, little Abby.

Not a day goes by when I don't think about him. It's hard when you're dealing with a first death in the family. It's really hard. But I am glad that Ella still remembers him and I plan on keeping his memories and spirit alive in our household. I do not want her to forget what she remembers.

Now, as far as my biggest accomplishment, I would have to say that my marriage and my girls are, by far, my biggest accomplishment. :)

(insert family photo here)

Can you believe we don't have one of all 4 of us?! Absolutely ridiculous.